A dom friend and I were discussing many things about the dynamic tonight. I enjoy having such a confidence of someone whom, both brilliant, but also of equal experiences.
Both of us had talked about the topics that are so damn hard to blog/write about. The value to subs on the taboo subject of degradation and humiliation. The intricate topic of mental manipulation. The subtle nuances of discovery about and for each new sub – especially those just discovering the “dark” sides of themselves. And the ever popular topic of discussion – all the wonderful “wannabe” doms/daddys/sirs of the world – and the delta of what is truly important.
So here I am – jumping both feet in on starting the dialog with you – whomever is reading this. (The Scotch Whiskey maybe helping this at the moment).
All of these challenges to write about, we both agreed, was a challenge specifically caused by the fact that we both benefited of us having started as dedicated subs ourselves. The intrinsic value of having that experience is the agreed upon separation clear in our discussions. But it is also something that is hard to write about without coming across as a braggart or as the old-timer fearful of the “next wave” of doms.
So explanations perhaps? I can only openly speak for myself.
My time with my first dom, I was VERY young. Let’s say hypothetically too young for it to be considered “okay” by most any standards. Yet the experience I had with such a seasoned (and caring) dom was a major difference in my youth. While every one of my peers was worried about the mundane drama of their day – I had the sublime confidence of *focus*. In speaking with a lifelong friend lately – it, at the time, (and apparently still)came across as unwavering confidence – as positivity – as a shield that was stronger than Captain America’s. But from that beautiful and lucky experience – I came to understand much much more.
I learned the strength of submission. The ability to commit everything to something. How many can say they gave (or “risked”) everything – and came out with positivity?
I learned the value of being subjected, of the ability where I could take all the fake “you can be anything” as well as the potential oppression and bullying of the world and instead – start from the lowest possible station, a station of elimination of shame, even through humiliation to eliminate such – and earn – with MUCH effort – a station of confidence. It SO cut through what was, wasn’t, or can’t tell BS and gave me DRIVE. It taught me how to succeed no matter what (as well as how to endure to get there). Geez what a beautiful gift.
I learned that the human condition forces us to accept the standards of others versus making our own. To this day I benefit from looking at the human condition through a different lens. I can see more and understand more of the office alpha – and their yearning for submission. I can see the wallflower – and the radiant power waiting to be unleashed if they could ever find a voice. I can see through the political struggles and realize, well, most of the time, how a few forced orgasms would cure the world.
I realized in my second decade in this world how insanely lucky and blessed my experiences had been – and gained the unwavering need to take such beauty and “Pay it forward”. That is my calling.
I had a great friend ask me recently – why are you a Dom (versus anything else)?. I answered instinctively and, although it sounded funny at the time, I now can say that it was the true answer. I am a Dom because “I can best serve the world from this position”.
Comments or questions welcome, I realize this just starts to touch on this subject….