This is something that is true in almost every Dom/Sub relationship of my last 6 years. It is a wonderful gift I have learned to give. It has become for me a capturing of the essence of those first few moments when you “Fall in love”. It establishes the relationship, the dynamic, and with one single word answer – gives me years of knowing who my sub it. It is…the choice.
There comes a point in every encounter I have – that element when she wants my efforts in domination – and I want hers in submission. This single critical crux will define so very very much – but I have learned to pull in the culmination of so much details into just one single choice.
It goes like this – it is a question I ask. It is so simple, but tells me everything. I simply ask “Choose now, what you will call your Dom. Is it Master, Sir, or Daddy? There is no perfect answer other than whatever first resonates with you the most. I suggest your first impression is what you truly want the most. Now choose….”
I will give you context – basic context. This topic for me could result in debates upon debates before it could ever be defined. I write it now as an ask from a friend. One curious as to why one sub refers to me by one name while another calls me something different. It is a very personal topic – and I will share some basic concepts as I can (even if incomplete without another 10,000 words on each).
A sub that chooses “Master” knows her need for total servitude. She desires complete dominance. She wishes for no leeway, no compromise. She even suspects or even needs – a dom that goes beyond what would be “Fair”. She desires most to be broken down and rebuilt into what the Dom wishes. She desires her will to be removed and replaced with another’s will and control. The taking of her physically and completely is already a given. She craves beyond that – beyond whatever she has thought of before. She wants to be pushed not beyond, but WAY beyond her own wicked thoughts. She always wants to be surprised by the extents that this could happen beyond what she had not already even thought possible. She will be an appliance until she has proven worthy of next station. Her training may have to start as simply a fuck-hole slut before she even shows the signs of even being worthy of putting forth effort to do better….to BE the next station. Worthy of even the possibility of being trained. The path is physical and forced – that is this subs need.
A sub that chooses “Sir” already knows the scenarios upon which she wishes to serve. She wants an authority she can respect, but also already she has plans on testing that authority – and to reap the benefits of being shown why the authority shall not have been disrespected in the first place. She is a romantic, and sensuality is a desired theme. Her darkest desire is that her sexuality will find even brief chinks in the armor of Sir and to gain that reaction that only SHE in servitude could have invoked. She will gauge an extra abusive session of spanking as having “Gained Ground” in winning over you, her Sir. If her actions can gain a difference in response from you – she will feed off of it. Even just the slightest abnormality. It will be a constant reflection on power exchange – one I know is to be met with an 8 to 1 ratio of Take versus Allow. The more Wicked a dom can be in this scenario the better it will serve this type of sub. This sub is far more mental in the dance than then others. Fuck this subs mind well and in non-obvious ways, that is what is needed.
A sub that Chooses “Daddy” has many needs. She chooses a father-figure as she desires guidance as well as discipline. Take Note: I am ONLY referring to the sexual sub. This sub wants to earn her paternal being Proud of her – and looks to this dom to establish what the path to earn this shall be. When she falls she craves discipline as much as the caring love of kissing the boo-boos. This sub needs to be protected from the outside world of the *bigs* – not removed from it as a sub who chooses “Master” would need. Aftercare is as special a time as sessions itself. Feeling just the radiant glow of being *Cared For* is equal to if not greater to the servitude she can give. She will clamor for your attention and test the constraints you as Dom will set forth. She will know the barriers of *Unacceptable* – even if occasionally step a toe in and out to make certain you are enforcing those. Do not disappoint her – or she will walk all over you. Reward systems are in place as much as punishments. And the value of a given “Good Girl” shall be a reward that is a delicate balance between ever higher goals versus not too high of a new goal that it takes too much time and effort to achieve. Hold this subs hand, and know that cuddles are as valuable as the spankings that are required. That is the key to this subs fulfillment.
I am only touching on my feelings on this – I welcome feedback and questions. Your thoughts?