It’s 2:32 am, Wicked Daddy just had a 3 hour nap (IE failure to truly SLEEP) and must be productive in some way before he can attempt slumber again. I should clean the house, I should be writing product descriptions for some new product that arrived, I should be replying to a laundry list of emails that I have flagged needing attention – but no. I have taken the twelve requests of me that are now pending and will address in a post. I am begging that I am coherent – with John Oliver running in the background (Versus the other possible quick decision to not play Game of Thrones Season 7 Ep 1 for the fourth time).
- There is a couple where the submissive has beautiful writing and sharing which I would recommend as a read. I applaud this couples efforts in exploring D/S and am honestly inspired by their effort and very happy for their successes. (https://ourmarriageanddomesticdiscipline.wordpress.com/). This is not a reply to any request from them – but a tie in to a follow up question around the use of mantras (from a previous post of mine). The tie in is around usage of mantras. This wonderful couple has adopted their own methods – to their own success – and the question from another reader is “Wicked Daddy, I am a female dom with a female sub. I am 26 and she is 24 and I have used something like a mantra early on and my precious responded incredibly and insanely well. I feel she wants more of this, and I want to give her more, but when and how can this be added more?”. The tie in to my reference of the couple linked is this – it needs to be adjusted to YOUR lives and abilities. Make it special to YOU both. But let me add some of how I have used it further. I have asked of my subs (again tailored to each) to employ them in daily life (especially when this dom could not be present). There was one very detail oriented sub that I instructed to employ mantras while driving to work, during her bathroom breaks, during her walks between buildings from her work campus, and for her lunchtime (as well as any time when needed). She would report back to me at the end of the day with things such as How often she used her mantra, and how, and *approximately* how many times she recited the mantra for each instance. Her reports were *too* detailed – and indicated to me that she needed more complexity to fulfill her. I added new mantras. For this one – I added Mantras for specific activities. Her morning and afternoon and evening ritual of oiling herself added the Mantra of “I oil myself to be ready for Daddy”. When she employed the methods of pausing before activities that are permissive (Entering her own bed, sitting on furniture, going to the bathroom, – anything that would – when in my presence, would have resulted in a request before permission would be given) – would now have a unique mantra. “I enter a bed only at the privilege granted to me by my Daddy”, “I am allowed on the couch only by the privilege granted to me by my Daddy”, “I am allowed to use the bathroom only at the privilege granted to me by my Daddy”. What I am suggesting is that – if you wish to employ mantras to greater depth – the possibilities are quite endless. I hope this helps.
- Next Question – “Wicked Daddy, When is Spanking – enough? I don’t want to over do it.” A great question – and I am hard pressed to say that anything other than experience (even beyond experimentation) is really needed. A few hints to myself – my subs posture, the sounds she produces, and the eventual pulling away. Pulling away is NOT permitted by me – and is given a few more smacks – but yes – I do reduce – I do verbally reinforce – and I do redirect/distract when that threshold is reached. Your goal as the dom is to ensure your sub FEELS that their limit was reached and pushed just a bit beyond – but take it no more than that. At those thresholds it is decreasing intensity in the delivery of the spanking, but going much much more in the intensity of the other (Mental, Verbal <even just volume>, situational, etc). Remember the reason for the correlation between pain and pleasure. Your sub needs to feel that they have served, and that their thresholds were broken by their Dom. I will add a note to my list of things I wish to write about around bottom care for spanking/caning/flogging. (I just need a “Butt” model so I can include pics/videos)
- Squirting. I have had 3 requests on this – equivalent to what is it, how to make it happen, and it’s significance. This is, like the previous two questions – not black and white. There is a TON on ground to cover. I personally have freely admitted to someone lately that I personally gain greater joy in producing the female orgasm through intense manipulations over just simply – fucking. I can’t help it. Its not as simple as I like a challenge, its more that I derive the greatest pleasure from bringing forth the greatest joy. My understanding is that not every female can even have an orgasm. I personally – have not met those people. I have however had a few (maybe 9?) that had never accomplished an orgasm before (however were no longer in that category after giving me a chance to teach and show otherwise). I swear that I am not trying to be the braggart – it is far more – process oriented and awareness oriented than that. There are clues given by the sub. Perhaps I am more attuned to notice – but honestly it is not that difficult – or maybe you need to know what to look for.
I personally attest unequivocally to the value of the change up. Changing the rules, changing the tempo, changing the patterns. But each is not by any special power or expertise I possess, it is simply by observing the clues my subs body gives up. The outer clues, Vocal, head movement, contortion-ing of the body. The inner clues – muscle contortion-ing at the abdomen, the inner thighs, the vagina/anus, and finally the shoulders. I have mentioned before I am on the autism spectrum – facial queues are – well – lost on me. But I have noticed that most people try to read those first. Maybe by bypassing this – I do have a better practice to give? I don’t know – but here are a few tests you can run to baseline your sub.
Vocal – You should be well accustomed to the sound your sub makes in pleasure. Good, that will serve you well. Note the point is to draw her to the point where she makes new sounds. Of my favorites – the prolonged note, the dolphin, and the “I’m holding in a sneeze that will never happen”. None of these are natural – they will only occur when you have drawn them forth (and OH such wonderment ensues when you can…). Never be so lazy to assume that what vocal deliverances you have produced thus far will ever be enough to make you THE Dom. From my brain – If you cannot identify 5 distinct sounds of your sub – then you haven’t gone far enough…yet. In reality – the first natural occurrences of your sub of 1-3 is enough for 85% of the time – don’t abuse. But that OTHER 15% – bring forth 4 and 5 and you will be their GOD. From my “scientific research” :), 4 usually occurs at hour 2 to 2.5 of proper “Teasing” – and 5 is the right balance of mental, physical delivery, and more so – physical denial. Have fun with that…(I do).
Head Movement – Strangely enough – I have noticed cultural differences in this. (I personally find this FASCINATING). For the average North American, it starts with a tightening of the body muscles, from shoulders to toes, and a forced arching of the back and an up and down “YES” nod. Remarkably for the Europeans (especially the French), it is more or a rolling of the head – almost to a figure eight. For the girls from India – it is a rapid shake of the head – as an American “No, this can’t be”. I *believe* I have had enough experience to have had a statistically relevant sampling, but I could be wrong (Feel free to volunteer for testing by direct message 🙂 ).
Contortion-ing of the body – Obvious clues. White knuckle-ing, the “Statue” – forcing themselves to be unmoving (well as much as they can), and subtle trembling (normally localized to a quadrant of the body). These are prescribed by their own physiology and are controlled – still, by their own learnings of their own bodies. They are still within their own control limits. That is important to note, as Inner clues are beyond that.
Abdominal – Doggy position, but only if held tight in bondage. Tickle the ribs but make note of the contortion-ing of the abdomen. That is the clue to fulfillment. When you are performing any other bondage action – reproduction of the same squeezing means you are on the right track.
Inner Thighs – This may be a bit of a mis-leading hint, so let me describe. Inner thigh clues are – when bound helpless – the squeezing in, or out, of the thighs themselves. This is the effort observed to spread further in or out – against the restraints – and is very very common (especially to subs previously lacking conditioning of such rrestraints themselves)
Vaginal/Anal – Oh such beautiful muscle groupings. I personally love both – as when I have reached that right point where they squeeze and relax I truly know the value of what I am delivering. If you personally have not observed such with good inspection, change your focus and do so now. Bringing the female body to such contractions without direct manipulation of those areas if a pure affirmation of your efforts.
Shoulders – Ahh the Deltoids – three muscles that can hold the weight of the world (Reference:Atlas). Tightening here is defiance. Tightening here is challenge. Tightening here is begging for the dom to overcome (and is wonderment to take on).
4. Dear L.X., I completely understand being on a budget but having to serve your subs. THANK YOU very much for your question. Of the five products you asked about – I have tested all five. They are CRAP. I want you to respond to me directly and here is what I am going to do. I will send you (at my cost) ALL 5 of the products you were looking at (they cost me WAY less than what you were going to pay – and I wont carry them as, like I said, they are crap). I will send you those, as well as 4 (of 5) alternatives that I WILL be carrying at my store. My ask – give me an honest write up of the differences. It must be honest – as I want to know that I am making a difference. Cool?
5. The question was around what daily reminders can be given between a Daddy and a Little – with no cost. Aside from the mantra – here are 5 ways I have brightened my Littles Day
Hidden Note – In her lunchbox, in her wallet, in the sleeve of her sweater, in the console of her car. Never underestimate the value of the hidden note that simple denotes “I am thinking about, and care about YOU”.
Remembrance of her “Favorite”. Example (although applicable to a GAZILLION things). I had a sub who remarked just once, of a pair of panties that made her feel more confident. In laying out her clothes on a day she had an interview – I laid the exact panties out (even pressed them with ironing as they were prone to wrinkling), and delivered to her the message of “Daddy wants you to go do your interview with the panties that make you feel like you can rule the world. Because you can.”. (BTW, she DID get the offer, even if she eventually refused it). Remembering your Littles Loves is a world maker.
Inconsequential Differences. Ever get a cake for your Little to celebrate the 378th day since meeting? Don’t wait for a prescribed holiday. When you know your sub needs a special day – make it up.
Self-Denial – Give your sub a gift of something you denied yourself in favor of them. “No Sweetie, I couldn’t go to see Wonder Woman. It would not have been worth it without you….”. Try this with Game of Thrones and ….. Instant panty peeler 🙂
Name It – create something together. Ever make a sandwich with a specific process of ingredients that you can now name it based upon a couple or a person? (Ever heard of a Dagwood?? – Look it up). Moments that can last forever. There is a Bread, Butter, Turkey, Lettuce, Tomatoes, Salt&Pepper, Bread that will forever be know as the Noel Meets Daddy. There is an adult swaddling of a comforter to my sub that will forever be know as the “Natashia-Burrito”. Very little rituals can be named and become a ritual. Each are special and unique (and no cost). Stop thinking like everyone else – and make the moments “unique” – and then repeatable. Did you know? I have a name for deep kissing when in warm rain? It’s the “Chrissy Fell for Daddy”. The possibilities are endless, the value limitless – with imagination.
6. Back to “Rewards” (why does this haunt me so?). The question is what limits to place on rewards. My answer is, what limits are there to place on the relationship? I personally have worn rainbow tutus to my neighborhood store based upon a reward (as well as around my park while hand-holding my Little for such). I have let my subs, upon rewards, dictate my hair, makeup (not that I would wear otherwise), clothing, mannerisms in public (I once had to greet every passerby with a chicken cluck while “winging” my arms”), and even manner of speech (The reason why I am conversationally fluent in Klingon today – and yes – there is a dictionary of it – I own one). My response? Who the FUCK cares? – it is not for you – it is for them – your LITTLE, which should command such observances and commitment. As long as it doesn’t lose your job or cause irreparable discomfort – just DO it.