Finding a Little – a reply to an email

I received an email from this blog a few days ago from Mr. P. The question was posed was “How do I find baby girls? I’ve always wanted a little but they are hard to find. Any advice on finding a little for me?”

This was a question I wanted to answer, but do so more openly here. I have a lot of thoughts on the subject and many more resonate with me more recently, especially given my choice to set aside all relationship interests in favor of this business venture getting started.

My first feedback is – Know the WHY you think you may be a good caregiver. No, not the why you want a baby girl. That is the equivalent of asking someone why they want to conceive and have children. What uniqueness do YOU have that would benefit another in this type of dynamic? The same can be asked of any Dom or Sir as well.

For myself – I am greatly hindered with lack of social awareness. I am Autistic, and more especially – cannot read facial expressions.  I have to rely on baselining peoples patterns and discerning when a pattern is abnormal to go through decision tree diagrams in my head to try and determine if they are “off” – and then go down the same path as to logical likely reasons for being “off”, followed by more of the same to deduce root causality of the “offness”.  Not very conducive to a good relationship is it? Well my own experiences – especially those of having been a dedicated sub early in my life – gave me a great understanding of the value of servitude (both sexual, intellectually, and emotionally). I strive to be a good Dom armed with what I can do well, despite what I know I can not.

What are your “Super Powers” as a caregiver? (Or Dom, or Sir)? Start with THAT list, before outlining the type of sub you wish to have.

Next – capability. Oh fucking hell yeah – this is huge. What is your level of emotional availability? physical availability? intellectual availability? Are you 25% attentive and expect the rest to be on auto-pilot or are you 100% attentive? Whatever you measure it as – I will warn you – it won’t ever be enough. Have you ever heard of “Less is More”? in this case – there should be classes for every Dom, Sir, and Daddy out there on how to make Less feel like More for their subs.

Next – do you understand the dynamic? It is a power exchange, and it is a mutual relationship, but also – in many ways – the dom is as much a sub as it is reversed. You as a dom or caregiver is expected to lead and challenge, but if you base your life off of dedicated care and being ready to react to your subs through your dynamic, then who is leading? who is challenging the actions of the relationship? It is a relationship as it takes two to relate. For many new to even the thought of such dynamics, it isn’t uncommon to think “Hell yeah it would be nice to have someone do what I say, pleasure me, and be my <slave>”.  Sorry if anyone out there reading this has such thoughts. My advice if you do – exchange your encounters of such need with hard cash. Most towns have a district for this. It’s legal in areas of Las Vegas I hear. The subtle nuances I find are in the little moments and all the time between the special encounters (and yes – for many you can equate special encounters with just the sexual – it would still fit for this point). The picture for this post, done by our gorgeous Poppy. Look at the look she has. It isn’t for the bear, it isn’t for the camera, it is genuine – and it is for her mate, talking to her through the shoot. THAT is a special moment.

Last question to ask yourself – what are you willing to give up to be a good caregiver? That’s a big truth right there in my mind. Right now, I am giving up being a caregiver in order to be a good one. I simply can’t give the right attention to a Little and launch this business I am trying to do. It is lonely as fuck. But it would weigh more heavily if I tried and failed a Little (as I would certainly do without being physically, intellectually, or emotionally available).

Now – what I am more certain the likely direction you were hoping for to your question.

Finding a Little is much akin to finding a mate. There are matching sites, forums, etc. But even after sifting through those, be engaging. Be involved. Show Up. Learn. A friend in this last year repeats “Research Research Research”. She is spot on. Expect nothing, but put yourself out there. Make friends, involve yourself in whatever community exists in your area. I truly believe there is no such thing as a chance encounter. If you go looking to make such an encounter into something you preconceive you want – you will miss out on what it should have been all along – and you will be the lessor for it. Be as open as you can bare, be as honest as you can, and say HI and ask <politely of course>. There are SO many Littles out there in need of a good care giver (Just like so many subs needing a good Dom or Sir).

Last thought – Remember there is NO Master/Sir/Daddy without a Submissive. So cherish that realization before any other action.

Thank you for the question. I am uncertain if this post helps or not. Hopefully it spurs on some thoughts?