Of Rainbows, and Unicorns, and Razor Blades

Forewarned, this post contains no actual content about Rainbows, nor Unicorns, nor Razor Blades. Sorry if you feel the title was deceptive but hey, since you are here now, care to read about my recent journey of discovery of having emotions after nearly 2 decades of not? Then pull up a chair and read on. If new to this journey of mine, read the last 4 posts for more.

Today’s lesson has been on self awareness around my communication. I have a scientist friend that suggested I try to communicate the same message in two forms (one emotionally and the other intellectually). I had the opportunity for the first in the wee hours and took it and then, upon waking, started to take a stab at the latter. It is intellectually stimulating to do so (even if actually near impossible to do). Let me share what has been relevant to what I learned pertaining to my blogging as a reference.

The last months the medication that was harming my cognitive abilities and cancelling emotions was progressive effect. If you have been a follower for as long you will notice correlation to this in the numbers of my posts dwindling as well as the content being more “FYI” than actual content. I think this is important to note for myself as, now with new found emotions, I am blogging every day. I see that as further supportive evidence of the same correlation.

Of the specifics I have noticed when attempting to write JUST from the emotional side, I am seeing clearly what our staff and friends who are writer’s and what their feedback has been now actually means. A few –

  • I have a tendency to do massive run on sentences filled with every nuance of information. Where this may be coupled with my OCD, it is clearly an EMOTIONAL need to do so.
  • A super high usage of visual denotations of emphasis. Like *this*, “This”, and oh yeah, <This>. That is likely an autistic need to ensure I am communicating special *intent* and often emotional use.
  • Illustrations – Oh has the blog been ripe with that over the years. As my brain looks for any way of associating a topic someone is saying to something of my own experiences, my side bar illustrations are my attempt to give you the reader that same type of association.

Where this stuff is personally fascinating to me, There are other nuances that have pointed out areas where I am creating confusion. I did look back today at DMs from people over that last year that have asked for clarifications on thigs I have written and (with exception of 1) has called out some pretty interesting perceptions of how my expressions have been taken in an unintended way. (In fact – I got one of those today about a ratio I used in a blog from early 2017 – which actually triggered me to go back and look at all in the first place).

Some of this learning has brought me down a bit emotionally today to, mainly from the realization that all the work done over the decades still has me at a gap from clarity that I felt I had achieved. Yes, the arrogance of “I have a Blog, I must know how to communicate effectively!”. Oh the giggles I know a select few of you are having at my expense right now (JE and DG especially). I did try to find some of my old books and notes and workbooks on communication to no avail today. I did some online research to help me refresh (EQ – Emotional IQ is my focal area btw). Permit me to put into practice to the best of my abilities for the rest of this post. Also to note (in case you didn’t know), EQ capabilities is the ability to identify, understand, manage, and use emotions in a positive and constructive way.

I feel that the areas of EQ awareness I can improve in have to do with the expectations one should have of someone demonstrating emotional intelligence would not do. Specifically those with emotional intelligence rarely take things personally, respond rather than react, and rarely see challenges as a crisis.

Additionally, the usage of “I feel” statements draw accountability to one own’s awareness and the reduce of “because” or any other qualifier as to the “why” is reduced to only facts that give context and only when the accountability is still owned. I myself have seen a reduction in these key areas over my blog posts going over the last few years. I personally am hopeful that this correlation to the impacts of my medications impacting my emotions proves out to be a factor. I do so while also taking responsibility for ensuring my EQ muscles are worked out and maintained.

I am looking forward to the continued experiment and will share more again as I learn. I feel like this is becoming a treat in personal growth for me. I feel positively currently while also knowing this will take effort.

Peace and love to all – Until next post!