Thank you melatonin for the sleep you granted me last evening. It was needed. Thank you my new emotions for blogging the last 5 days straight (re-reading your expressions has been enlightening). I am seeing all the tangential threads of what I have been experiencing and can now begin to see how to pull them together and to start quilting. Thank you frustration and fear to push me to write as honestly and emotionally as I could to express my heart yesterday. It was as scary as jumping off a cliff without knowing what was down below. It was freeing even if I still don’t know how I will land. Thank you SO MUCH for all the friends that have reached out and shared and have just been there for me – even on just the short 2 minute “Love ya!” connects. Thank you blessed universe for great and positive experiences that can exist in my life (even if just in memories). Thank you logical autism to give me the capabilities to deal in so many complex variables (even in my own manner and even if impossible to fully share with anyone else).
Back in the day when I was running analytical problem solving in the corporate world or in the non-profit world there would occasionally be an issue that mathematically or process wise I and my team were running into brick walls. I had learned over the years that the solution was to thank everyone for their time, send them home early, and just go home and meditate and sleep. Every time (or at least as I remember it) I would awake and magically would know all the nuances and solutions to put into place to solve whatever the “thing” that needed to be solved was. I always felt it was just letting my brain take all of the variables and calculate all of the probabilities and possibilities and come up with the course of action needed. With the current changes going on in me mentally, emotionally, and physically (post loss of the medication crutch), this ability (along with many many other abilities) has been something I have been fearful at the possibility of losing. Even with all of the things where I have unknowns as to the outcomes of I did get this experience with last nights sleep (and this time with actually dreams I can remember). Not every possible outcome dream was one that aligns with what my heart wants, but all of them have positive outcomes nonetheless.
I have a few more online tests to take today – from my new doctor. I am happy I feel good presently and will tackle them after I make a lunch for myself. I had plans this weekend that cancelled (and would have anyways given the snow) and found myself with a ton of special ingredients and foods I usually don’t have present. I treated myself to a vegetable omelet this morning. For lunch I think I will try a few concoctions and make myself a quesadilla and an exotic salad.
I am starting to like this new doctor better. It has taken some time for him to realize that I want bluntness and that I will continually ask questions until I logically understand all the variables. He has come around to this over this last week and has been able to stop obscuring
(To keep me in positive mindframe) some stuff that could be very serious. Me personally – I am not worried. I just *know* I will be okay. Regardless I don’t take chances and am getting done the due diligence required (legally) over the course of this next week. Overdue anyways to protect those I care about.
I got some immediate feedback on yesterdays post from an Autistic friend who follows the blog that led me to forward yesterdays post to 5 other (also Autistic) friends. I got one remarkable email this morning and it’s decided. http://autisticdaddyblog.wordpress.com has been created. It may take me some time to truly kick it off but I do feel I need to separate what people expect from Wicked Daddy from what I am learning I need to share about relating to an Autistic man (communications and relationships) and for a man who is also a Dom. I had no clue as to how frustrated I was with the Autistic barrier to a meaningful relationship (via communication) until recently and I think this outlet will be helpful. I am *feeling* that my emotions was always my driving force to blog and, now that I have them, I think I can be more consistent that I was in the previous months. Feel free to follow if this interests you.
Got a ton of calls and follow ups and work to do so I will publish now (keeping limits on my time has been helpful). Follow on Instagram @Wicked_Daddy_Productions and @WickedDaddyAcademy for more on the shows, workshops, and the upcoming Fashion Show. Likes, Comments, and Reposts are VERY appreciated.